(….long exhausted sigh….)
That says it all.
They test you and try your patience. They make you laugh. They are confusing and you blame their fashion sense on some crazy distant relative. They can be loud and then a moment later quiet and moody. They send you to your knees so often asking for guidance and wisdom. They make you think….what happened? What did I do wrong? And then again, how did I get that right?
How do you let go of a hand that you've held onto for so many years? How….
This is what this is all about. Letting go. I have cried out to my heavenly father so often asking for the right guidance that my knees are worn down. I am running out of time with them. Panicked. I blinked and they turned old on me fast. In my mind they are still so young. A time when they asked me for help.
Now, we battle more often than not. And I am left to try and make sense of what happened. Where did I go wrong?
But the truth is that this is God's way of allowing a parent to let go. At some point you have to throw your hands up and let God take control of this. Which if you were really truthful with yourself, would know he's had it all along.
My husband reminded me of the story in the bible of the prodigal son. That son wanted his inheritance early and much to the father's disappointment, he allowed the son to take his money and leave. On his own. To do his own thing.
I can feel that man's pain. The letting go part is the hardest. Allowing them to make their own mistakes. To fall flat on their face and for once, you not catching them.
But the story did have a great ending. The son returned to a father who still adored him no matter what he had done.
And that's where we'll be. In the end.
My husband and I welcoming our children back with open arms no matter what they've done. Over and over again. Because that's what God does for us. Over and over again. Welcoming us back. No matter what we've done.
It's called grace…..