Waiting to exhale...

Right now, my oldest son is doing well.  And we can only hope that he will remain stable and in a good place.  But I find myself waiting to exhale.  To breathe again.

I can't.  It's so hard.

When the wind has been knocked out of you over and over and over again, you begin to hold your breath instead of exhaling.  What else could possibly happen?  Guarded.  And still all you can do in reality.....is pray.  Pray for the miracle that you beg God to do.  And wait.  Holding your breath.

I try not to let my mind go to the dark places.  The "what-ifs".  But it's really hard.  When I don't talk to him or hear from him daily, I have a tendency to go right there.  There are some days when you take it one day at a time.  Others...the worry is so great it seems to swallow you whole.

But here's the thing....

God never expected us to carry such a burden.  That's why he came down in the form of a little baby.  To save us.  It's what Christmas is all about.  It's why we put presents under the tree.  You see, he's the gift.  He was born to die on the cross for me....and you.   To save us.  To tell us that no matter what is going on in your life right now, there is hope and a promise of a future that is so magnificent we can't even wrap our brains around it.  He holds our hands when we have nothing left to give.

He reminds us to let go...and exhale.

Does that mean that then magically everything goes away?  Nope.  But I wish it did.  But he does give us the hope of a better brighter days.  Where worry is no longer all encompassing.  And things are changed for good.

Today....today, is a good day.  And I'm trying to remember to exhale.